Download PDF The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
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The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
Download PDF The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
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Product details
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 8 hours and 15 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Penguin Audio
Audible.com Release Date: September 19, 2017
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B075DJ2CT6
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
The institution of marriage and our expectations of what makes it successful are always in flux. It wasn't long ago that marriage was anchored in pragmatic needs of maintaining a household. Fast forward a little, perhaps a century or so, and we are seeing first roots of a search for "romantic love" taking hold as the new aspiration. Finally looking back at the last few decades, the formula for success has become the "all in one package": romantic and spiritual partner, parent and confidant, sexual hero and more — all the while we spend less time with friends, and more time working and parenting. We keep raising the bar, but does that even make sense?In the first half of the book, Eli Finkel provides the historical backdrop, helping us position our modern expectations against those of previous generations — a good reminder that there are no absolutes, and we should not jump to conclusions too fast. The second half of the book examines the hodgepodge modern expectations that we've placed on ourselves, and provides a data-driven perspective and tips on how to build a successful marriage. A few of the suggested "love hacks":- Touch — physical expression of love goes a long way.- Don’t jump to conclusions — change your attributional style to give the benefit of the doubt.- Picture yourselves from the outside — if you were a bystander, how would you react?- Gratitude — write down, share, and celebrate things your partner has done for the two of you.- Learn to accept a compliment — healthy self-esteem nurtures healthy relationships.- Celebrate their small victories — get excited about your partner's success.In short, a great guide to help pause and self-reflect on how to succeed in our "everything and all at once" world.
I was hoping/expecting to learn some new, earth-shattering advice about how to strengthen one's marriage. Instead, the first half of the book was spent learning about the history of marriage and about the author's definition of an "all-or-nothing" marriage. The last half of the book had some helpful ideas, but most of them (communicate better, don't rely on your partner to meet all of your needs, etc.) were fairly obvious.
“Post-menopausal†was mentioned exactly once, at the end of a sentence. At the time when relationships are most vulnerable, the author’s GPS finds no location, no road, no town to observe or study. I appreciate the many valuable insights and analyses, but when data is averaged it still only represents one point on the spectrum. I kept waiting to read an example of couples over 60 or lovehacks to mitigate the fallout from bankruptcy, financial ruin, a heart attack or stroke. Will there be a Part 2?
I had very much anticipated the publication of the “All-or-nothing Marriage†and pre-ordered copies for a small seminar I’m teaching on personal relationships and family. This is a great book for many audiences, ranging from scholars and students of marriage and relationships (and from many disciplines) to the avid reader who wants to learn about the state of marriage from one of the top scholars in the scientific field of close relationships. Eli Finkel has produced an excellent, science-based book that begins with a discussion of how marriage has changed, and then moves to presenting advice, grounded in research, on how anyone can improve their marriage (or relationship). Interesting and enjoyable read!
This is about to become the most important book on marriage. Part science, part therapy, The All-or-Nothing Marriage should be a bestseller for a very long time. Eli Finkel is the leading expert on the psychology of marriage. He's done a mountain of research on the topic, but he also integrates a historical perspective and others' research in a way that provides a clear and comprehensive theory of what makes marriages succeed (or fail). His view is not simplistic -- for example, he discusses why marriages succeed at different stages in their lifespan -- but he presents it in a way that is simple to understand and apply.We've been in need of an up-to-date book that presents the science of marriage to non-scientists. With all due respect to Gottman, his books have been holding that spot for too long. In the last two decades, the research has evolved, our culture has evolved, and our needs have evolved. Using the absolute most up-to-date research, Eli Finkel's book offers realistic hope to almost anyone struggling to launch a new marriage, to improve a struggling marriage, or to sustain a marriage that's already working well.This is the new Marriage Handbook.
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